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tom-sits-like-a-whore:

reasons to date me

  • no pressure to wear pants in my presence
  • or any clothes at all really
  • but it’s up to you
  • u can be big spoon or little spoon
  • totally your choice
  • i’m always ready to make out
  • aLwaYs
  • also u don’t even have to buy me things just maybe an ice cream cone every once in a while that’s it 
  • i’ll let you lick it though
  • i mean the ice cream cone
  • well not just the ice cream cone

(via peculiarmoomin)

cumaddict72:

chekhov:

So this hot substitute logged into netflix and I wrote down the email with which he did it and used a service (it cost like $2) to find all other accounts connected to that email and I found his (private) twitter so I made a fake twitter of a hot girl and added a bunch of tweets over the course of a month to make it look legit and then I requested to follow him and he let me and he is the most goddamn boring person in the world

you need to be arrested

(via nsome)

Him: You've got a big butt.

Me: Thanks... I'll just go cry in a corner now.

Him: No, don't, I like it.

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