I was about 10 or 11 at the time. We had gotten an ad for a beauty pageant in the mail. I was so excited! I talked about it for weeks, I really wanted to do this and I was going to win! I watched Ms.Congeniality like a billion times (my mother wasn’t the best at censorship). Then school started back in the Fall and I mentioned it a few times and the girls just looked at me like I was insane. I looked at the brochure for hours, when it hit me. I would never win this, there wasn’t a real reason for me to enter, because I wasn’t like the girls in these pictures. I was fat. I wasn’t worth a crown. I wasn’t a beauty queen winner, I was the girl who was picked last for kick ball. I was the girl who wore baggy clothes to hide her belly, I was the girl who the other girls picked on and didn’t want to be friends with. I wasn’t beauty queen material. That started my life long struggle, that started my constant binge, diet, binge pattern. That was the first time I threw up on purpose, that was the first night I cried over my weight, that was the first time I felt my weight hold me back. I’m recovering from something that has effected me for half my life, I’m making an effort. But sometimes I’m brought right back to that moment, I’m suddenly the fat little girl who would never be a beauty queen.